Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I am inspirational

My friend RCC3 had a great blog entry about the state of Nashville's music. It's true, it has become watered down. The artists in both the country and pop worlds that have made it sound exactly like every other artist that has made it or will make it from most anywhere else. They start to blend in with the scenery and before you know it, you don't even know what you're listening to or looking at. You know what? I'll give you FIFTY Stephen Bohn McFun Bucks if you can tell me what American Music Award winning country-pop artist is pictured here to the right. Yes, they are major award winners. Yes, they have fauxhawks. Yes, they play acoustic mandoguitars. No, I don't care about them and, really, neither should you.

"But why shouldn't I care about them, oh, mighty blogger?" you ask. Well, it's not because they're not nice people (I'm sure they are) and it's not 'cause they buy American (you guys know we suck at making blue jeans, right?). It's because they don't have a song about me.

That's right. I really am that shallow.

Point #1: Ke$ha. As some of you may know, she is from Nashville and she and are I well acquainted. I wouldn't say that we are "friends" because we haven't talked in quite a while but her friend tried to make out with me once during her birthday week and almost fell off the Sweet-T porch. Also, we are friends on facebook... So, I guess maybe we are. It's the facebook thing that I want to focus on for a second. I received a message on the ol' FB a month or so ago from this dude from Brazil.
If you can't read it goes a little something like this:
"stephen .. kesha wants to know why u wont call her .. she likes ur beardlove dilio"

The first thing that ran through my head was "Do I know this guy? Who the hell is he? This isn't Ke$ha's friend that tried to make out with me 5 years ago who has suddenly turned into a 16 year old Brazillian boy, is it? 'Cause if it is, I am living in a world of confusion." Suffice to say, I had no idea what this dude was talking about because I had yet to illegally download buy Ke$ha's record yet in order to discover that there is a song called "Stephen" (why, that's my name!) and it's about some dude not calling her (which I have not done in several years). As far as I know, the song isn't about me.

Point #2: Taylor Swift. The darling of the Grammy® Awards. The darling of Nashville. The darling of being anyone but Kanye West (remember how much that doesn't matter?!). If you haven't heard her record Fearless, you are probably living under a rock. I used the qualifier "probably" for a reason. I myself have never heard it but Wikipedia told me that she won a whole bunch of awards for that record the other night so I checked it (the Wikipedia article not the record) out... and wouldn't you know who has a song called "Hey, Stephen"... That's right! Now, the closest that I think I've ever come to Taylor Swift is our Monday-Friday delivery driver at the shop has brought her flowers before. I still haven't heard the song but I can imagine it goes something like this:
"Hey, Stephen / You should have brought me flowers / Not the regular delivery guy / I love all your magical powers"
I'm sure it's a hit song.

Point #3: Jewel. As you may recall, she filmed a video at the flower shop a few weeks ago. The song doesn't have anything to do with me but it was filmed at the shop I work at. If I can't convince you to listen to the song at least watch the video because Jewel is incredibly good-looking. And make sure you stay until the end of the video and notice how clean the floor looks as she heads toward the backdoor. That was my handiwork. Also, I like math.

How are all these Nashville lady musicians obsessed with me? How do I have to have to find out all third-hand-like that I am their muse? You'd think that they'd just come up to me and say "You're a really great guy. I like you. I want to leave my coked out / really tall and handsome / professional bullrider (respectively) man friend and go out with you. Maybe go ride some go-karts." Shit? Is that what people do on dates? Ride go-karts? That's pathetic that that's the best that I could come up with.

I'm a hopeful man.

Oh, and by the way... the band in the first picture is called Gloriana. I still don't know who they are. Why? No song about me.

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