1.) Find a boyfriend / girlfriend so that you can spend Valentine's Day with them -- Might I suggest reservations at Chez White Castle?
2.) If you already have a boyfriend / girlfriend, spending all of your dollars on a gift from A Village of Flowers. Contrary to the picture on the site, yes, I did used to work there. And, on the exceedingly rare occasion, still do.
3.) Saying to yourself "Oh, yeah... This is the day that something happened... Didn't a bunch of people die in Chicago or Rome or something?"
4.) Or, for you single ladies out there, you can ENTER YOURSELF IN THE SOMETHINGTH ANNUAL GIVE FLOWERS TO A SINGLE LADY IN NASHVILLE CONTEST.
Yes, it's that time of year when I forgo [I spelled that right on the first try, thank you very much, 2nd glass of whiskey tonight] all attitude regarding
Great... Another list. Don't care. More whiskey!!!
Rule 1.) You can't have a boyfriend. This includes some dude you're making out with / sleeping with / cooking dinner for on a regular basis / whatever constitutes [did not spell that right on the first try something something whiskey] a relationship these days.
Rule 2.) I will deliver said flowers to you wearing a shirt and tie. And fancy pants. Because, as luck would have it, Thursdays are Fancy Pants Thursdays for me at work.
Rule 3.) If you want a Chippendale thing without the shirt, I can probably accommodate you.
Rule 4.) MUST be in the Nashville area. I work in Smyrna so if you live in Murfreesboro, I'm not gonna crunch numbers all day, drive to Nashville, pick up the flowers, and then drive back down to Murfreesboro. Unless of course, you can come up with a really good florist in Murfreesboro and then I guess that would be ok. If you live in California, then you're definitely out.
Rule 5.) I will pick a winner AT RANDOM on Monday, February 11th. This will give me ample time to order the flowers.
Basically that's it.
I'm only doing this because I think it would be nice to make one other person not feel like total crap on a day that is inadvertently designed to make people like me feel like total crap. I have no ulterior motive. And, if you were to ask any lady that I've ever purchased flowers for, they will attest that I can pick out some good ones. Even though you get to pick them out in this contest. Thing. Is my whiskey all gone?
Email / comment / tweet / facebook / whatever if you'd like. I also promise not to announce the winner on any sort of dumdamn social media. Unless you want me to.