If you have at least a toe in the water in the world of news, you know that the following topics have been dominating the news in the past week or so:
- Toomer's Corner oak trees at Auburn University.
One of those things is not like the other. And at least one of them is not a
So to bring you up to speed in case you don't watch TV or if you don't ever read the news at work (like I do on both accounts), some dude named Al from Dadeville, Alabama, decided that it would be a good idea to poison some trees on Auburn's campus. Oops. Wrong link. Here's the right one. Here comes the snark...
I know absolutely nothing about Auburn's campus. Hell, you could have told me it was built on a swamp of dirt and unicorn blood and I might have believed you for a split second. I had no idea that these trees were so tied in to a tradition. Really nothing screams "CELEBRATE!" quite like T-P-ing. But it's the south and being born and raised in Big Ten country and transplanting to Nashville, I've had to adapt to lots of things that just don't make any sense to me: like getting married while you're in college and eating grits. Neither of which I support but that's neither here nor there. Back to my story about trees.
So this dude poisoned some trees. I get it. You don't mess with someone else's traditions. Don't kill trees. Don't be an asshole. Life's pretty simple, really. I learned the "don't kill trees" lesson when I was about 5 years old and decided that taking a hatchet to a tree on the outskirts of my parents' yard was a good idea. Turns out, it's not. I got an ass-whoopin' and a well-deserved one at that. Maybe this Al from Dadeville didn't get his ass whooped enough as a kid. Maybe he got it whooped too much. I don't know. I'm not a dad.
What pisses me off (and I know that's what you were all waiting for) is the amount of coverage
that this has gotten. It's received about 1436% of the coverage that it's gotten and, really, deserves. Seriously, folks. Trees. Life is all about perspective. And, yea, it's pretty damn important even if you don't think Asian chicks are hot.
Keep following the story. I'm sure you college football junkies (myself included) will be following this story for the next year and of course into this upcoming season. And when one of your great friends may very well be the world's biggest Alabama fan, you're bound to hear about it for a while.
Anyway, as I was poking around on facebook [see what I did there?] this morning, I came across this group. I'm not going to join it. It's not that I don't care, it's that I don't care, if that makes any sense. Anyway, in scrolling through the comments and wall and whateverthehellit'scalled, I saw this comment:
I like Jesus and all but I don't know if he cares about the Toomer's Corner trees that much. Also, what are these folks praying for? That the trees are going to wake up? If that happens, I'm running the other way. Or I'm gonna pick up that hatchet from 26 years ago and go down swinging. C'mon folks.