The Nashville School of Driver's Edudumbtion

I've lived in Nashville for about a decade now. I came here from Michigan. Land of potholes and aggressive drivers. Land of straightforwardness. Land that never seems to appear on COPS. And in that time that I lived there, I was involved in two car accidents: one of which was my fault, the other of which I refuse to take responsibility for. Do you know how many accidents I have been in since I've lived in Nashville? Five. In ten years. I've taken my car in to be repaired because someone else hit me five times. This one time, and this was really great, I was asleep in my bed at 3am and someone drilled my car in my driveway. That was a sweet time. But the fifth time came this afternoon as I was headed home from work. I had grand plans to take Pippin to the park, go for a run, maybe even eat a taco or four. Since Nashville drivers don't know what they're doing, one of them saw the back end of my car and said "That looks like a nice car! I think I'll drive into the back end and fuck it up!" Some actions are better left unexplored. That is one of them. I got out of the car, swore at the other driver (hashtag Irish), then pulled over into a parking lot. I called the cops because that's what you do. They informed me that since it wasn't an injury accident that it wasn't high on their priority list. I figured it may take half an hour for someone to get out there. Five phone calls later over the next two and a half hours and not a single cop showed up. NASHVILLE POLICE DEPARTMENT: THAT IS FUCKING PATHETIC. PA. THET. IC. Oh, and here's the kicker, after the fifth phone call, the dispatcher informed me that since there was no injury involved that I could just fill out a form online instead of waiting for the police.

At this point in time, I told the dispatcher that I wanted to speak to their supervisor but they didn't transfer me. So, Nashville Police Department, if you come across this, please note that your service on the south side of town sucks. I mean, it's bad. Real bad. Daron Hall, you need to get this shit figured out. I should be sending you a bill for my time. I, and every other tax payer and property owner, pay your salary. You and your staff work for me. Not the other way around. Don't send out officers when it's convenient. Send them out when they're needed. If you can't figure out how to make this work on your (as of last reported earnings) $138,956.26 annual salary then we need to find someone that can. The customer service all across the board was bad. Horrible. Downright inexcusable. And the best part of it is that I got to spend an hour when I got home cleaning up dog poop. You know, 'cause Pippin didn't get to to go to the park.