Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Nickleblack? Kickstarkmusicfactory? Sure.

It's been almost a full month since I've updated you, dear blog. I know that if I don't meet my at-least-one-a-month-entry quote, Nick will get mad, make fun of me that I rarely get to a second date with any girl, and call me out. Since he has a much larger blog readership and has the attention of the Christian rock market in his corner, I better do what he says. He can be dangerous when he wants to.

Speaking of massive musical forces, in addition to Nick Baumhardt, I'm writing about two of them today. I guess that makes that three of 'em don'it?

#1.) Kickstarter. I think kickstarter is the worst thing to
happen to music since Chad Kroeger. And that is saying quite a bit. The sonovabitch knows song structure, though. That's no excuse for sucking. It's like when Mother Nature said to Michael Bay, "Hey, why don't you go direct Japan... Let me know how it goes."

Okay, that was a dick move. With that in mind, I implore you to all donate to Japan. I think that brings me back up to the 4th circle of Hell. Limbo, here I come!

But back to kickstarter. When I was fatter younger, I used to bounce around in a van from state to state and sling merch for bands. I was am a pretty mediocre musician and have largely given most of that up in my life - the slightest, tiniest, occasional bit of playing not withstanding. None of the bands that I played in or sold shirts for ever begged for money.

Now here we are, some years later when you can set up a kickstarter account, tell people to donate to your band so that you can record with that one guy who used to play drums in These Arms are Snakes (wait, a second...), and on you go; talent, execution, and following be damned.

#2.) Ark Music Factory. This shit is just as bad as kickstarter. Only worse. You heard me. Essentially, teen girls whose parents have a bunch of money hire this company to make a professional song and video that makes the Black Eyed Peas SuperBowl halftime show sound like Hendrix at Woodstock or that time Dylan went electric. Don't believe me (I know you do)? I'm giving you my jam of the week, anyway:

For those of you that know me, and I'm assuming that that's most of you, save for my healthy bunch of stalkers, which could be far too many and if that's the case, I'm going into hiding and using commas far too frequently, you know I like a challenge. And I like taking things that I hate and making them into things that I love. So here's the plan: I'm gonna start a kickstarter campaign to raise funds to cover the entire Ark Music Factory catalog.

If I can figure out how to get Chad Kroeger involved, even better. Who wants to do donate? I fuckin' swear, it's gonna be awesome. Had to edit myself there. Working my way back up to Limbo, like I said.

1 comment:

  1. i will gladly donate my studio time to make peanut into the pop sensation that we all know is hiding underneath that beard and those tattoos.

    and, um, did you just compare me to nickelback???


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